True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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