i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
