I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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