what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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