OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
