my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
smell my finger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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