Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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