Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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