Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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