she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
