Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
