I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
