bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
