I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize