We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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