you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
