Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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