Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
