he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
