Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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