so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
