it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize