she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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