Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
