i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize