"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I faked an abortion last night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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