He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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