my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
