You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
