Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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