forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
