I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
