I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
