Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
