Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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