I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
