She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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