You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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