Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize