grandma shit on top of the toilet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
