Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
