fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
