is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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