ya dads aren't the best wingmen
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
FUCK WHALES
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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