i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
