I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
