Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
