On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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