So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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