So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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