The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
