Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
