Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
