you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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