Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
