I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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