I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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