what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
not ubering you a puppy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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