LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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