I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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