Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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