i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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