I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
