Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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