Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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