How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
