dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
