I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
