I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it glows. i had to have it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize