Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize