ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
